All vows

by me

I have sinned. I am not so arrogant as to say I have not sinned. For I have indeed sinned.

For the sins I have done on purpose, please forgive me. For the sins I have done accidentally, please forgive me. For the sins I have done with my eyes, my hands, my mouth, my thoughts, please please forgive me. For the sin of hating my life, please forgive me. For the sin of hating my child, please forgive me. For the sin of hating myself, please forgive me. Forgive me, pardon me, grant me atonement.

For the sin of wishing harm unto others, please forgive me. For the sin of wishing harm onto myself, please forgive me. For the sin of judging others, please forgive me. Please, Hashem, forgive me, pardon me, grant me atonement.

I have lied, I have cheated, I have led others astray. I have disrespected, I have caused shame, I have excluded and have preyed upon weakness. I have taken joy in causing the suffering of others. I have willfully neglected the feelings of others. I have willfully ignored the needs of others. I have hardened my heart at the sadness of others. I have sinned, Hashem, please please forgive me.

I am not anywhere near perfect, Hashem. I am broken, damaged, limping along. I am lost, Hashem. I am wandering around in total darkness, bumping into things as I try to go forward, my arms reaching out grasping at air. I am hollow, Hashem, a large part of who I thought I was has been scooped out, leaving a messy shell that aches and throbs in pain. I am desperate, Hashem, I need your help. I am desperate for the sun’s warmth on my face. I am so cold here, Hashem, and I feel so alone. You above all others can help me. So here I am, prostrate before you, admitting that I am nothing, surrendering to Your wisdom and Your judgment. Please, oh please, forgive me.

May it be your will that I, and my family, and all the people of Israel, and all the people of the world, be inscribed in the Book of Life this year.

Amen.

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