distraught

by me

I screwed up my meds. The one that gives me a brief period of mania with any change. I had an amazing day. Sure I didn’t sleep. But I had so much energy. I felt alive. I played with my daughter for hours. At bedtime I read to her, then rocked her and sang to her, and felt so connected to her. And now I can’t stop crying. Because tomorrow it will be gone. I can’t even enjoy these brief moments of feeling normal…because I know it will end.

I don’t know what’s worse, never getting these moments, or getting them briefly only to have them taken away again.

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