It’s daylight savings time and I ______________

by me

It’s daylight savings time and I’m exhausted.

But I’m always exhausted. So how do you differentiate between the different flavors of exhaustion. There’s the “good” kind of body exhaustion, when you work hard at something and sweat and use your muscles till they’re pleasantly fatigued. Your body is warm, your muscles humming. You feel productive.

Yeah, I don’t feel like that.

I feel like every cell in my body is crying out to rest. It’s agitated, far beyond “tired.” Harsh vibrating, a constant grinding noise. All the time. But it can’t rest. Not even when I stop moving and close my eyes. I wake up in the middle of the night, despite my meds, wired but so very tired. I pass out, eventually. Morning arrives. I hear my daughter’s lilting voice, and a switch in my brain is thrown, wake up. I peel my eyes open, they’re dry and sting. I peel myself out of bed and drag myself through my morning routine. Then drag myself through the day.

Fatigue and anxiety holding hands and skipping, tra la la. They’re 2 halves of the same coin. One fuels the other, around and around we go.