the voices in my head

by me

In my head lives an overly cautious granny. She is scared of everyone and everything. And she thinks she needs to warn me about every bad thing that could possibly happen. She’s about 5 feet tall, wears a sign that says, “The End Is Near!” and rings a loud bell to get my attention. “You are going to fail!” she yells. “They are better off without you!” she screams. She’s trying to help, thinking that if she gives me the worst case scenarios I will be able to come up with a plan now, rather than be surprised when it’s sprung on me. “He/she is going to betray you!” she wails. “You will never get better!” she howls. I can’t take it anymore, her words are carving bloody grooves into my soul. I want to reject her. Kick her out of my head. Beat her up. But that only makes her stronger and louder. How do I get rid of her? I can’t, she’s a part of who I am. So what do I do. In my head, I go into the room she’s in. I help her out of the sign she’s wearing. I gently take the bell out of her hand. She’s suddenly nervous, what is her purpose if not to warn me. I put my arms around her and give her a big hug. And I say, “Thank you for trying to protect me by warning me of the most horrible possible things. When I was young and in danger, you were an important part of my survival. But I’m not in danger anymore. I have a stable and loving home environment. I have many precious friends what love me and adore me and would do anything for me. I have positive and constructive tools in my tool bag that have worked and continue to work. I no longer need dire, apocalyptic warnings.” I let go of the hug and invite her to sit down on a comfy couch and relax. And I give myself permission to return here again in case she sneaks off and dons the sign and bell again. Then I exit with the knowledge that I have the strength to create my life in a positive and healthy and loving way.

Note: This writing piece is based on a life-changing visualization process I learned through the book, Finding Francesca, by Stephanie Correa.