who gets depressed when their birthday is coming up?
I make decisions with my head, not my heart. My heart leaves me vulnerable, unsafe. With my head making decisions I can see things in the light of cold objectivity, facts laid bare and clean, black and white, a distinct path. The heart is too messy, blurs too many colors, smears the path so that there is no clear right answer. With my head in charge, I am strong, calculating, untouched, and not touching, the situation. I am not a part of it. It is not a part of me. It cannot hurt me. I am isolated from it. I am isolated. It keeps me safe, by keeping me separate. Long after the choice has been made, and completed, I am still empty, unfulfilled.
Sometimes I let my heart decide. It is a scary experiment. I am wide open, exposed. The decision and the repercussions are a tidal wave. I am tossed about, soaking wet, but in the end still standing. I am connected, I am whole. When I choose with my heart it feels right with the universe. It feels unstable at first because it’s unfamiliar. But once I am there, it feels as if I have always been a part of it, infinitely connected.
My head keeps me safe, but leaves me hollow. My heart leaves me vulnerable, but unifies me.